


searching through shadows and snow

by solohux



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Armitage Hux Lives, Ben Solo Lives, Kylux Babies, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post Mpreg, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26956330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solohux/pseuds/solohux
Summary: After Exegol, Ben Solo goes into exile only to discover that he's pregnant with Hux's child. He gives birth to a baby boy with bright red hair and tells him stories of his father. But even with a second chance at life and his son's light, Ben's grief grows stronger every day, because Hux is dead...isn't he?
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Comments: 11
Kudos: 162





	searching through shadows and snow

**Author's Note:**

> This work was orignally a prompt from an anon on tumblr but it quickly became the Milo saga! All three parts have been collated into one 3k+ fic here. Unbeta'ed!
> 
> Enjoy!

Ben knows that he’s dreaming but even so, his heart is soaring. It’s a serene scene that paints across his mind, one that he yearned for before he left the First Order behind. He, Hux and their baby live peacefully in small town with a nearby river and a farmer’s market, one that Hux walks to every day to buy fresh food for their daily meals whilst Ben stays at home to tend to their animals and look after their baby. No uncertainty, no fear, no pain; just the three of them in undisturbed harmony.

Ben smiles in his sleep, hearing Hux’s beautiful laugh echoing in his mind, but he’s woken suddenly by a soft hand patting his arm.

“Hux?” Ben blinks awake, finding it to still be the middle of the night on this little planetoid, his bedroom illuminated by the light of the twin moons.

“Dada?”

“Oh. Milo,” Ben rolls onto his back, rubbing his eyes. Of course, he thinks, Hux isn’t here. “Sorry. Daddy was still dreaming of—uh. What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I had a bad dream,” the little three year old mutters, cuddling his _ultra-_ fluffy vulptex plush so tightly to his chest. “The shadow man came back.”

_The shadow man._ Ben isn’t sure whether his Force-sensitive son is merely seeing a manifestation of the dark side of the Force in his dreams or whether Snoke— _or Palpatine—_ is still holding onto a last breath of life in this world and haunts Milo’s young mind. And regardless of what Ben does, darkness still seeps into his son’s dreams.

“Come on,” Ben lifts his arms and opens the covers, letting the small boy hop onto the bed and snuggle down.

But as Ben expects Milo to climb over him and settle down next to him, the boy stays lying on his chest, cheek resting right above Ben’s beating heart as though wanting to listen to its sound to comfort him. Ben shouldn’t be surprised; when Milo was still a newborn, the only way Ben could get him to go to sleep would be by resting the little boy against his chest and letting him listen to his heart, no doubt liking its familiar sound after spending nine months in his womb. Even now, Milo’s tenseness seems to ease as he lies on his Dada’s chest.

“I’m here,” Ben kisses the top of Milo’s head, brushing his fingers through the messy red hair. “Daddy’s here. Nothing can hurt you. I promise.”

_If only._ Perhaps better than anyone, Ben knows of the horrible things in the galaxy that can hurt you, that can take away the ones you love in a heartbeat—

“Can you tell me a story, Dada?”

“What sort of story?”

“About Papa. I wanna hear about Papa.”

Ben’s heart flutters as it always does when he hears his son talk about his father. “Lie down then, sweetheart. Get comfy.”

The boy shuffles to the side and nestles down beside Ben, seeming more relaxed now that he knows he can stay here with Dada and listen to stories about Papa. Ben wraps an arm around his boy and pulls him close to him, using the other hand to conjure the Force, making a little starry night sky in the palm of his hand, clouds moving slowly in the air just above his hand; a mini-world in a storybook.

“Papa. _Armitage Hux,_ ” Ben smiles as his powers create an image of the man he would have one day married, of him looking out to the stars with his usual-stoic expression. Even now, years later, Ben still grieves. “He was so clever, so important. Some people were jealous of him but most of his officers looked up to him and aspired to be him.”

“What mean _asss-pire,_ Daddy?”

Ben smiles, “It means they wanted to be like him when they grew up.”

“That’s me!” Milo giggles. “I want to be like Papa when I’m big! He’s got red hair like me, right, Dada?”

“Right,” Ben kisses Milo’s head. “He would have been so happy to meet you, Milo. He’d be so proud of you. And wherever he is now, I know he loves you so much.”

Ben’s dream from earlier comes back hauntingly, teasing him with images of Hux holding Milo underneath a starry sky in the field just behind their home, pointing up and teaching his son all about the constellations and suns and moons.

“ _But do you want to know a secret, Milo?” Hux would say, booping his son on the nose, smiling. “Your Daddy is **my** sun and moons, all of my stars in all of the constellations. I love him so much, and I know you do too._”

“Daddy? Don’t cry,” Milo is sitting up next to Ben when he comes back to himself, using the paw of his vulptex plush to pat away his falling tears.

“Sorry, sweetheart,” Ben takes Milo into his arms and hugs him tight. “Daddy just misses Papa sometimes.”

“I miss him too,” Milo says. “But he tells me that he’ll be here soon.”

Ben frowns, breaking the hug to find his son smiling innocently at him. “What? What do you mean, Milo?”

“When Papa is in my dreams at night,” Milo nods. “He tells me that I’m very brave and that he’ll find me and Daddy soon.”

Ben can’t speak. Instead, he pulls Milo back in for a hug and stretches out with the Force, trying to find Hux or, at least, any sort of trace of him that’s been able to contact their son. But nothing, silence is all he’s met with.

Hux is dead. Isn’t he…?

//……..\\\

Hux knows that he’s dreaming but even so, his heart is soaring. It’s a serene scene that paints across his mind, one that he yearned to live since his heart fell hard for Kylo Ren almost a decade ago but one that once seemed so far away once his beloved perished on Exegol. In his dreams, he, Kylo and their baby live peacefully in a cottage that he and Kylo fixed up themselves on a quaint but nameless planetoid with twin moons and a deep blue sea. Their baby boy is beautiful, of course, having inherited Hux’s ginger hair and Kylo’s brown doe-eyes. No uncertainty, no fear, no pain; just the three of them in undisturbed harmony.

Hux sees himself standing in the white-poppy field that’s just behind their home, holding his son so tightly in his arms underneath a beautifully starry sky, pointing up and teaching his son all about the constellations and suns and moons.

_‘See?’_ Hux would say, kissing his son’s cheek as he shows him the sky. ‘ _There’s Bastion and Bescane, and all four of their moons. And behind them, can you see, little one? Jaemus, shining so very bright. Your father once had a mission there as a Knight. He returned with Jeamian flu. Papa had to look after him.’_ And his boy would listen in awe of his father’s knowledge of the night sky.

Once, Hux had wanted to rule the stars. Now, he’d settle for having the peace that haunts his dreams. Regardless, he smiles in his sleep, hearing Kylo’s beautiful laugh echoing in his mind, but he’s woken suddenly by a rough hand grabbing his arm.

“Hey!” A gruff voice yells, making Hux jolt awake. “We’re closed, mate. You’ll hafta come back tomorra.”

Hux sits up, still finding that his work is spread out on the table in front of him, his face illuminated by the blue glow of the Outer Rim’s starcharts that hover from the little projector. He looks around, finding the rest of the library to be shrouded in darkness, just he and the security guard in front of him remain.

“No,” Hux shakes his head, rubbing his eyes, thankful that his black beanie-style hat hasn’t come off during his quick nap; hiding his vibrant hair colour is priority, and with his sideburns shaved off and gone, a cap like this does the job well. “I can’t leave. I’m so close. I’ve almost found it.”

He ignores the male twi’lek’s soft arguments for him to leave and reaches for the rolled-up piece of paper that he has come to guard with his life, unfolding it and grabbing his pencil to sketch what he’s seen in his dream, adding more details to his hand-drawn map of the galaxy. He concentrates, remembering the names of the planets from his dream—or _vision,_ as he’s come to think of them—and adds them to his map, feeling closer than ever to finding Kylo and their son.

‘ _The Force works in mysterious ways,’_ Kylo had once said, earning a punch in the arm from Hux at the cliché of it all but as Hux feels the elation rush through him as he hones in on what his dreams are telling him, he wonders if this is all the Force’s work. He thought Kylo _dead,_ killed on Exegol with Palpatine but the rumours must have been wrong; Kylo feels so _alive_ in Hux’s dreams that he often wakes with the feeling of Kylo’s hands on his body, with the feeling of their son’s little, soft hands against his cheeks.

The planets—Bastion, Bescane and Jaemus—are all on the very edge of the known galaxy, nestled in a cold corner of the Outer Rim, practically untouched by intelligent lifeforms. It’s the perfect place for an exiled ex-Jedi to hide with his child.

“He’s there,” Hux stares, putting his pencil down slowly and staring at the _one_ planet on his map where the three planets could be seen at once. Everything adds up, everything fits in with all the other information that he has from his other dreams—the climate, the natural fauna, the colour of the sky. Only _one_ planetoid in the corner of the Outer Rim has all of these things, and it doesn’t even have a name. “Hells. He’s _there._ I’ve found him.”

“What you on about, mate? Whoa, whoa, wait!” The twi’lek guard tries to grab Hux’s arm as he stands up from the chair in such a hurry that he knocks it over, grabbing his starmap and leaving the library table in such a mess but he doesn’t care. His family is _alive_ and he knows where they are.

His torn-up, old (but cheaply acquired!) X-Wing is waiting for him across the city in a pre-paid hangar bay—one that had a system to ancient that Hux managed to hack for free use—and he runs to it, sprinting as fast as he can underneath the purple midnight sky with his starmap clutched so tightly in his hand, his life now having meaning again.

‘ _I’m here, Kylo. My son. I’ll be there soon. Hold on.’_

And across the galaxy in the cold nook of the Outer Rim, Milo Hux-Solo stirs in his bed, a nightmare of the horrifying shadow man being chased away by the familiar voice of his Papa. The boy sits up and cuddles his Vulptex plush as he gazes out of his arched window to the starry sky, looking at Jaemus’s distinct shine and hearing his Papa’s words ever so clearly; _I’ll be there soon_.

“Okay, Papa,” Milo whispers back with a big smile on his face, still seeing his father in his mind from his dream of stargazing with him. “See you soon.”

//……..\\\

For the first time since his exile after Exegol, Ben has a dreamless night’s sleep. It’s strange to wake up without tears on his cheeks, without clutching his pillow like a lifeline as a dream of his beloved Hux burns itself onto the back of his eyelids. But there’s still an empty space beside him in his bed, inside of his heart, and Ben knows that nothing can ever fill those voids. He rolls over onto his side and faces the vacant side of the bed, running his hand over the cold sheets and trying to force himself to imagine that Hux has just risen early to make breakfast. Everything is fine, everything is _fine_ —

Ben can’t repeat the mantra a third time. It hurts too much to tell such a lie.

Morning has broken on the little planetoid, illuminating Ben’s room in a familiar glow. It’s particularly cold this morning, making Ben wish he’d worn a long-sleeved shirt to bed instead of this short, white one.

“Dada!” Ben’s three year old son bounds into Ben’s bedroom and leaps onto the bed, scrambling to his father’s side. He looks as though he’s had a good night’s sleep, since his copper-coloured hair is messy and his blue pyjamas are twisted and wrinkled. As usual, Milo’s favourite vulptex plush is in his arms. “It’s snowing! It’s snowing!”

Ben smiles at Milo’s excitement, his brown eyes alight with childlike wonder. Their planet experiences snow a few times a year but the landscape of beautiful white never fails to make Milo want to rush out in it before Ben has had a chance to dress him properly.

“Snow!” Ben smiles, hiding his sadness from his beloved boy and sitting up in bed to take Milo into his arms. “And I guess you want to go outside to play?”

“Yeah, Dada! Now!”

“Breakfast first, sweetheart,” Ben stands up with the boy in his arms, carrying him around his bedroom as he opens the drapes and sees the white wonderland that covers the entirity of the fields that surround their solemn home. Even the beds of white poppies have disappeared underneath the inches of snowfall.

“ _Awwwwww._ But ‘m not hungry, Dada.” Milo wriggles in Ben’s hold, tugging at his father’s dark hair as he tries to climb onto his shoulders, making Ben laugh. “Go outside now! _Pwease!”_

“Alright, Milo,” Ben says, never being able to deny his son once he gets a certain expression on his face—the very same one that Hux used to give _Kylo_ whenever he wanted to get his own way. “We’ll get dressed and then go out, hm? Build a snow-droid?”

“Yeah! A BB!”

“A snow-BB. Let’s go, sweetheart.”

In less than five minutes, Ben and Milo are dressed for the snow in thick clothes and warm coats. Utilising the ways of mind manipulation, Ben has easily kept his existence a secret, wiping the minds of the market traders who operate in the small town almost fifty miles away from Ben’s quaint countryside cottage. And it _also_ means that Ben can steal without being caught. Whilst he tries to remain in a neutral state of mind when it comes to the light and dark side of the Force, Ben struggles. Truly, _Kylo Ren_ has never left his veins—possibly kept alive by his love for Hux.

As the pair stand on the porch in the morning sun, Milo is practically buzzing with excitement whilst Ben tries to calm him enough to put his woolly hat and gloves on but the boy is jumping up and down, stomping his little black boots on the wooden decking whilst giggling.

“Hold on, starbright,” Ben smiles, making sure Milo’s ginger hair is dry under his hat and his adorably large ears are tucked warmly away too. “We don’t want you to be too cold, do we?”

“Dadaaaa, I wanna play!”

Ben smiles, amused by Milo’s impatience.

“Come on,” and Ben takes his son’s hand as they jump off the porch together, the snow swallowing Milo up to his little knees but instead of being scared by it, the boy pulls free of Ben’s hold and trudges off as fast as he can through the thick snow as more begins to fall upon the pair in a light flurry.

Ben follows closely behind his son, watching him run and play and pick up snow to throw it above himself, only for it to cover his little head.

Milo laughs, tumbling over and landing on his bum in the snow. Ben would give anything for Hux to see how happy their beloved son is right now.

_Ben. Ben!_ The Force calls out to Ben, piercing his mind like a cold needle _._ He stands up quickly, looking to the clouded skies for the source of the disturbance. It’s been a long time since he’s sensed something as monumental as this, something that is making his hands shake and his stomach twist with worry. It feels familiar, though, which is somewhat comforting but Ben’s maternal instincts run haywire as the Force won’t let him smile.

“Milo, sweetheart,” Ben says, his voice low, but his heart _stops_ when he sees a figure in the distance, one that is staring at him and Milo, and one that has the boy frozen on the spot.

Ben’s fingers twitch, wishing he’d kept a lightsaber with him in his exile for moments such as this.

“Milo,” Ben says sternly, standing behind his son. “We’re going inside.”

But the boy doesn’t move. Ben’s knees tremble; it _this_ the _Shadow Man_ who has been haunting Milo’s dreams? Is it another Snoke come to turn the newest Solo against his family just as he did with Ben? No. _Never._ Ben would _die_ before he allowed anything to ever hurt his son. He owes it to Hux to love and defend their precious boy with everything he has.

But the man in the distance is getting closer. Ben skids to his knees in the freezing snow in front of Milo, finding his face looking anything but afraid as one would expect a child to look when staring down the man of his nightmares.

“Milo? Milo, look at Daddy,” Ben says, putting his hands on the boy’s cold, blushing cheeks in a vain attempt to draw his gaze away from the approaching menace. “What is it? Starbright, talk to me.”

Milo blinks but his brown eyes don’t stray from their path. He raises his mitten-clad hand and tries to point at the figure, uttering one word that sends Ben’s heart into overdrive, “Papa.”

It can’t be. Ben frowns, turning around to look back over his shoulder, seeing the man that doesn’t look like a monster at all.

He looks like an angel, gliding across the snow-covered ground with a copper halo around his head, his skin so ethereally pale and familiar that Ben can’t find any words to describe the man’s beautiful presence.

“No…” Ben whispers, taking hold of Milo and standing up with the boy sitting on his hip, his feet walking forwards of their own accord towards the snow-angel.

It’s Hux. It’s _his_ Armitage Hux, here and present and _so very alive._ Ben chokes on his words.

Even when they’re within arm’s reach of each other, Ben still can’t permit himself to believe it. He’s already been blessed with a second chance at life, bearing such a beautifully bright baby boy, for his lover to be back too.

“Daddy,” Milo says, patting Ben’s cheek. “It’s Papa?”

Ben can’t take his eyes from Hux. He still looks the same as he did almost four years to the _day_ since they last saw one another, sharing a kiss goodbye as Kylo Ren departed for Kef Bir, both unaware of what would transpire once their hands left each other’s and their destines diverged. The Hux in front of Ben’s tear-filled eyes is still as handsome as ever, his pale eyes just as piercing and his body just as tall and lithe. Even without the greatcoat and uniform, he’s still the image of power to Ben’s eyes, he’s still the only constant that has ever blessed Ben’s messy and lonely life.

He’s _saved._

“Yeah, Milo,” Ben sighs. “It’s Papa.”

Hux’s shoulders shake as the tears fall, no doubt hurting his cheeks as they fall from his eyes and onto his freezing cold skin, but he doesn’t _flinch._ He takes another step closer as Ben sets Milo down in the snow, the boy bringing his thumb up to nibble on the soft material of his mitten whilst his other hand is held in Ben’s.

“Milo,” Hux says, beaming as he utters his son’s name for the first time. Ben’s chest clenches, watching Hux kneel down to Milo’s level; Ben knew that their son looked most like Hux but seeing the two together now, Ben can’t believe just how much of Hux is in their son. “My clever, brave boy. We’ve met before, haven’t we?”

“When I’m asleep,” Milo nods. “You said you would be here soon.”

“And here I am, darling,” Hux says. He looks up to Ben, smiling. “Here I am.”

“Hux…” Ben sobs, but Hux is standing and leaping in to catch him in an embrace before his knees give way beneath the weight of shock and relief that have fallen upon his shoulders like a collapsing _building._ It’s immense, it’s overwhelming but it’s the happiest that Ben has _ever_ felt.

“Ren,” Hux whispers Ben’s once-name into his ear as they hug so tightly that nothing can get between them, and Ben feels his soul soar; Kylo Ren was never truly dead anyway. “My darling. I love you, I love you so much.”

“I-I love you,” Ben— _Ren_ —cries. “Y-you were killed.”

“Death would never keep us apart, my darling. I’ve travelled across the galaxy in search of you. And it’s because of our son’s power with the Force that I was able to find you.”

“Don’t cry, Dada,” Milo tugs at Ben’s trouser leg and makes them pull apart. “It’s happy!”

“I know, starbright,” Ben sniffles, picking his son up and holding him between his parents, embraced by them both for the first time in his life. “I’m _so_ happy. So happy.”

“I want to know everything,” Hux says, wrapping his arms around Ben and hugging both his lover and their son at the same time. “Everything, Ren.”

“It’s…uh. Ben.”

“Ben,” Hux repeats, raising his eyebrows but the smile doesn’t fade from his face. “As you wish. I want to hear _everything_ about you and our son, _Ben._ ”

“Can Papa stay for breakfast, Daddy?” Milo asks excitedly.

Ben takes Hux’s hand, leading him back to his house, “Papa is going to stay forever.”

Home was never a place for Ben Solo or for Kylo Ren; it was _always_ Armitage Hux.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Find me on tumblr at [solohux](http://solohux.tumblr.com/) ❤️


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